Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

One Girl's Story - Part 2: Getting Stood Up and Dating One of Her Students

Dear Bro Jo,

Here's my dilemma:  I'm working as a TA this semester, and I have a crush on one of the guys in the class.

I work with the teacher in the classroom every day.

How can I flirt with this guy without being unprofessional?

So far, I've stuck with more eye contact than necessary, smiles, and very brief conversations.

As a second problem, I got stood up yesterday.

I had plans with a guy (I've been out with him 3 times) to go to lunch.

He said he'd call me so we could meet up, but he never called. I didn’t call him, because I never call guys.

But should I call him out on his flakiness?

I certainly don't want to go out with him again, but I think he should know that flaking out is not attractive. 

Thanks!

- CG




Dear CG,

Failure to call isn't standing you up; that's when he makes a plan to meet you and fails to show. 

None-the-less, he clearly was flaky. 

Unless of course something happened . . . it would be awful to call him out only to find that he had a family crisis to deal with. 

I don't think you should call at this point. Instead check with a mutual friend to make sure he's okay. 

When the friend asks you why you're checking, tell the truth: he was supposed to call to take you out and didn't. 

That will get back to him and if he realizes he's made a mistake or that he owes you an apology or explanation, he'll call. If he does you might want to listen; perhaps he's worth another chance. 

As for the guy in class, I have a firm "no dating students" policy with the college instructors I supervise. 

They're not allowed to date anyone that they might be teaching now or who is enrolled elsewhere in our same program. 

If someone is in a teaching or grading position as a TA, that applies to them as well, but that ends for the TA once the semester is over. 

If the student of interest is not in the course being helped by the TA, or if the TA is a non-grading, non-instructing class assistant, then dating is okay. 

So . . . I don't know if the same rules apply where you're at, you may want to talk to the instructor, but in general I'd say nothing goes until he's no longer in the class. 

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Ah, dang it. 

I really want to go out with him. 

I do a lot of in-class stuff and all the grading, so I guess I'll have to talk to the teacher. 

Thanks for the advice!

- CG




Dear CG,

That's why I'm here!

- Bro Jo

Monday, August 18, 2014

One Girl's Story - Part 1: Serious Single Dating Starts

Hi Bro Jo,

No worries, I'm not in the midst of a dating dilemma this time. :)

Everything's going well. I love school, and I'm working and playing and learning to my heart's content.

I was just reading your blog and looking for the links to "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her Out" and the related ones.The links don't work anymore.

Tonight at our ward social, I had a guy ask for my number.

I met him at FHE last night, and we talked a lot at the social tonight and then he asked for my number before we left.

My roommates commented that I seemed to "have it down", meaning getting guys to ask me out.

Two of them are graduating this semester, no boyfriends, rare dates.

They're not desperate, but they'd really like to be married.

They are both beautiful, kind, smart, and funny.

And I really mean that.

They are awesome.

I honestly have no idea why they don't get asked out and I do.

Ok, I'll admit that I could tell as soon as I sat down at FHE last night that this guy noticed me. I liked him too, so I flirted.

But I don't know exactly what I do that makes guys ask me out.

What can I tell my roommates?

I'd love if you'd send me your lists to share with them.

The only things that I can name that I do is more eye contact and lots of smiles, an arm touch, and intelligent conversation.

I also watch a lot of college football, which may or may not make a difference.

Thanks!

College Girl




Dear CG,

I'm not sure what's happening with the links; if you can tell me which ones where, I can check them out and update them.

Most of the links you're talking about go to the Notes section on the Facebook page.

Here are some of what you might be looking for to share with your roommates:

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"

Bro Jo’s "TEN WAYS a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to CALL"


And you're absolutely right: the flirting, the eye contact, the smiles, the arm touching, the "knowing things to say about what guys are interested in" (like college football) are all excellent, and I think essential, tools.

No matter how wonderful, smart, funny, attractive, or whatever a girl may be, asking her out can be quite scary for a lot of guys.

In fact, the more of those things she is, the scarier it can be.

And, as we all know (because otherwise this column may not exist) Guys (especially the Good Ones) just aren't getting the training they need from their parents and Church leaders when it comes to dating and wooing women.

So a girl has got to signal that his attention is wanted and welcome.

That's true inside the Church and out, and it's been true FOREVER.

The key, I think, is being able to do that without over pursuit or seeming desperate because that turns Good Guys off.

The answer to that?

Trick him to thinking he's in charge by allowing him to do the asking and think he's making the decisions. 

How do I know?

Sister Jo is The Master.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks Bro Jo! Helpful as always!

- CG




Dear CG,

Any time!

- Bro Jo

Friday, August 15, 2014

Stuck in the Friend Zone

Dear Bro Jo,

The "Friend Zone" is an ongoing problem at BYU-Idaho.

Guys don't ask girls out so we naturally place them in the Friend Zone (side note- to get out all they have to do is ask, if it goes good TADA!!!!)

Yet they complain "every girl has zoned me".

Then on the other hand when we show interest, THEY friend zone US.

I also want to say I know it's hard for guys to ask girls out.

It just seems like a vicious circle.

I am so tired of everyone complaining about this Friend Zone.

What can we do to get this to go away?

To get not only the guys but us girls as well to open their eyes? 

Please help,

- Stuck at Friend Zone University




Dear Zoner,

All you have to do is listen to what you've heard over and Over and OVER again:

1) Guys and Girls Can't Be Just Friends

2) Stop Hanging Out

You have no one but yourselves to blame.

- Bro Jo